I walk into the infant room at the orphanage, look down and see a small child, sitting, observing, but not being affected by the joy, the screams, or tears being shed around her. She sits, emotionless. 
The time comes when I must leave, so I kiss her head, tell her I love her, and walk away.
I was confused and overwhelmed by her walls. God, why does she feel nothing? Why does she sit and not react? What do you want me to learn?
The next week we returned, she remained emotionless, but she let me hold her. One step closer. She let me wrap her in my arms. She let me show her some love, she did not react, but she let me do it. As always, time flew by and it was time to go.
As I walked her down to her room, I could feel her heart beat increase. Outwardly, nothing was happening, but I could feel something was going on. When I walked into the room and tried to sit her on the bed, she latched on and started crying. My heart was crushed, but filled with hope. She felt. I pried her beautiful small body off of me, kissed her head and left. My heart filled with pain for this poor orphan child, but hope overwhelmed me. She will know what love means.
Another week went by, and I walked straight to her room. Standing in the doorway I could sense her anxiety, I could see that she was overwhelmed. I didn’t pick her up; I just stood by her side. She tucked her shoulder behind mine, and I knew she felt safe. What felt like eternity passed, and finally the time came where I knew she was ready to be held again. I picked her up and we walked outside.
This time it was clear: Sing over her and dance. So I did. I raised my voice in praise and sang over this child, beautiful beloved child of the king, and we swayed back and forth.I didn’t want this child to only feel my love when we were together, but allow the love inside me to change her, to somehow break through her walls. And slowly it is. The goodbyes are getting harder, but the hellos are filled with more hope.
This so much more than a story about a little girl who changed my heart. This is how God has been revealing his love to me. At first, I was an orphan, emotionless, numb to the world around me. He longed for me to feel his love and joy. But he didn’t force it.
He took it slow; he wooed me. Some days he just stood by my side and protected me. He sang over me. He danced over me. Slowly but surely, His love consumed my heart, and allowed me to feel.
I too was an orphan, loved but didn’t feel its depth. He broke through those walls and changed my life forever. This is only the beginning to the story; I know God has so much more.
