Happy Birthday to me

Today, on May 5th, was my 19th birthday. It is also my last day in Guatemala. So, it is time to tip my hat to this season, and invite the next one in like an old friend.
 
What this season has shown me is that love is a choice. Love is something Christ knew so well. Christ was the embodiment of love, and He made sure to teach that to the people He met.
 
So, what are we doing? Besides that, what am I doing? When people are around me, do I love them like Christ? Do they feel the love of God? Do they feel a general tie to my spirit? These are questions I ask myself while sleep-deprived and they definitely stir my spirit.
 
This season reminded me of autumn. So many leaves falling, so many different shades of myself being unveiled and falling onto the ground for Christ to redeem, and to stop the enemy from stepping on them and crunching them under his feet.
 
This season has made me realize how much I actually do love people. I used to have so much intentionality with my love, so much of a purpose to it, rather when I should have been embracing them as a young child embraces his father. I should not always have an agenda to everything I am doing or who I am loving, I am sure Christ usually had no agenda as He talked to His disciples about all sorts of problems, stories, or recent encounters.
 
And that my friend is what kingdom is. Kingdom is bringing Jesus. Jesus is the King of His kingdom. He loves when people are healed, resurrected, or shown the way, but He also loves when we just love them, feed them, and share who He is with them. He shared Himself with everyone, even literally when He told His disciples to eat His flesh and drink His blood.
 
I have realized this because the Spirit is so good and I have stopped trying to define or understand the goodness of God. His goodness is so good. God is so gracious to let me begin something new and also to allow me clarity and freedom in Him.
 
So, what does this new season look like? Reading books, watching movies, maybe new beginnings, sharing the love of Christ and the story of His grace, and actually loving my family without an agenda.
 
I will tell you that the last part of this new season is going to be so hard. I love my family to death. But, I have held my breath, and held back the love that I should love them. I bottled up things to say until my lungs would collapse. I’m sure anyone reading this can sympathize or even empathize with me. But, you know what? In Jesus name, all that is going to change.
 
All that is going to change because I believe that it’s time to honor my mother and father. All that is going to change because it’s time for me to be their son. All that is going to change because I’m going to embrace them with the love of Christ and not the fallible, insufficient love of Graham. All that is going to change because I am a man of God and I have been redeemed in Jesus name, and so has my family.
 
Mom, Dad, and Maddie: if you are reading this. Know that I am sorry for not always being around, I know it’s the age I’m at, but that is no excuse that I have held back so much love from you all. Know that I am actually genuinely excited to see you guys again. Know that I am ready to enjoy life with you guys, even if it’s only for a short while. But, a word of caution, be assured that I do love you guys with the love of Christ, and I’m going to not be bashful with what God has done in me in Guatemala. It will be raw, but I feel led by my Father to tell you all the things He did.
 
I love you Mom, Dad, and Maddie. You have a piece of my heart and I can’t explain how much I have missed you these past 4 months, and as tears try and well up in my eyes I have to confess something: I stopped taking my ADHD medication 3 weeks into the trip, and the freedom that has brought me has been impressive. Love you guys.
 
With Love,
Graham Snuggs